Ah, the smell of fresh hormones that arrive with a new September. I would like to think it’s a little different this year. I could attribute it to being my final year of high school, and maybe it is- but I think it has to do with some personal growth that comes after being forced to problem solve and experience the unfortunate stress (that comes with life in this murky time that comes after all the hair and acne has more or less settled in.)
At McMath, in grade 8 we have to write to our future selves. I would like to write to myself back then now.
Dear grade 8,
It stops being fair. And that is ok.
In my time here, even though it is only the start of the final year I could say the last four years have had as many hills as valleys. I put three times the amount of time into doing math homework as my other classes and never got results that were comparable. I didn’t get into a school I wanted to be in before entering university though I was deserving but simply did not pass their means testing. I failed at poetry events though I worked hard. I played the wrong chords on stage though I practiced. Friends acted like friends and others simply acted. Teachers didn’t always get along with me even though I thought I did nothing wrong. Throughout this, I’ve been cheated to and lied and none of this is fair.
But each of these moments teach you about who you are as a person.
How will you handle getting a dreaded B when all of your friends have an A? What if you didn’t get invited to the party all of your friends were at? Are you less than? This might feel like the end of everything, the worst moments of your life and you might hit a pillow and scream but remember: do not stop believing. I know there are many moments where I have thought, maybe I shouldn’t take on so much, be so much, try so hard- it seems fruitless. But, you are equal. You are just as good and often the best because you keep fighting when it stops being just. Work three times harder and fail again and again and at one point you will get a victory then remember to…
You might succeed. I surely did succeed in many things. I won, I created, I built myself up to be a person who has a lot of projects and passion behind me. But for every journal one of my poems is published in, there are easily 20 that rejected me. Success in its blackest and whitest sense is wonderful, but it’s not everything. The biggest success I have with myself is not in my resume but in the growth in my character, my love for myself and my ability to believe. But you must remember, everyone succeeds and many times people will be better than you and other times you might be better than them, but you are always equal, just as skeleton and cardiac organ, just as human. This brings me to my final point.
Your beliefs are not god and neither are you.
Life is not as black and white as it might seem. There is no such thing as planning exactly, knowing your reaction and separating every individual colour in a metaphorical rainbow from each other to gain clarity. There will be times where everything intertwines with itself and you will have to choose between, what’s your version of right. It’s ok to be wrong.
At the end of the day.
Believe you are doing your best and that is enough.